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& it really makes me wonder if i ever really gave a fuck
about you.
about you.
you gave me the love i needed but left me with a broken <3
i wish only for your love.
forever, and ever, and ever.
forever, and ever, and ever.
l0ve ishh a big illusi0n ``i should try to forget.
pr0file here ((:you are what makes me STR0NG.
desires``
detests``
Saturday, April 10, 2010
I just found the cutest picture in existance of Mitchell and me, right after he got his hair cut, when we went up north to his mom's parent's house, and now I'm smiling so goddamn big, &
it's just about breaking my heart to realize that he's probably not going to smile when he sees it.
|21:51|
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I (don't) want him.
I (want to) hate him.
I (want to) hate him.
|21:22|
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
People keep asking me if I'm still going out with Mitch. I keep not knowing what to say. Well, I know I should say that we're not together anymore, but I don't want to.
I still believe that he loves me. Maybe I shouldn't. But I do.
|21:20|
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sometimes things just don't work out the way I want them to. What am I talking about? Things never work out the way I intended.
I don't know why I even try sometimes.
|20:04|
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Mitch isn't talking to me, I don't get to see Cassi tomorrow night, I have NOSB closely followed by volleyball, I need a shower but I'm afraid of the cold, and I'm avoiding my homework like the plague. I'm too lazy to wash the dishes so I can make something for myself to eat, I'm too bored to find something to do, I'm too cold to think about anything else.
I wanted to go to Mitch's house tonight but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Not the way it's been going. What's the point? It's already past six and I've been trying to get him to ask me to come over for two hours.
Sometimes I just want to scream at him.
|18:09|
Friday, January 1, 2010
I don't want it to be 2010. I would give anything to turn back the clock. Where did the time go? Am I really with Mitch and not with Devon? And what the hell happened to my friends? Why didn't anyone call me all holiday and ask me to hang out?
...I think everyone hates me now. Maybe I am a whore. Maybe I do suck at everything. Maybe I deserve being snubbed. (I don't really believe that. They're my friends. Shouldn't they put me first?)
I'm fighting my way through life... trying to convince myself that I don't need to go back to bad habbits to keep myself breathing. But it's so hard. It's so hard fighting for this all by myself...
Is there anybody out there? Is there anyone that still cares?
|23:44|
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I don't think I've ever told anyone, but my brother being in the Navy scares the shit out of me. I cry myself to sleep, scared that I'm going to lose my brother/best friend. And he's not even in danger yet... he's just in ROTC at college.
I love him so much. I don't know what I'd do without him.
When Logan Jacobson died right before school started this year and I saw his brother Austin on the first day of school, I couldn't imagine the pain he was feeling, having just lost his brother. I couldn't even begin to imagine how the hell he was getting through it.
I don't want to have to do that.
I love my brother, and I'm scared for his life. I don't know if he knows it, but he's my best friend, and I don't ever want to lose him. I'm not always super open with him, and I don't know if he knows what he means to me and how much I trust him.
[I have trust issues. I don't know if he knows that.]
I love my brother. I just wish that I didn't have to worry about him like this. I'm so proud of him, and I'm so happy for him. But I'm so, so selfishly scared.
|21:15|
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Devon & I are over.
Done.
Through.
No longer Devon & I.
-
What now?
I don't know.
Mitch & I?
No.
We are not a "couple."
-
...But I'm not saying we're
"just friends"
"just friends"
either.
-
It's like dividing by zero:
it's completely
undefined.
undefined.
|20:32|
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Anyone
but
her
and I wouldn't care.
But no,
he had to choose her,
the one that made my life
hell
to be
"just friends."
Fuck.
Him.
&
Fuck
the stupid
fucking
cunt-
licking
little
whore.
|22:22|
Friday, September 25, 2009
As a guy I know where he's coming from, its not that your afraid the girl won't want it again, but you just wanna make it perfect for her you just have to.
-
I never knew Mitch Smetana could be such an insightful guy...
(Why did I tell him all my secrets in one night?)
|21:42|
♥
& i begin to (be)li(e)ve again.
* love isn't about finding someone you can live with...
but finding someone you can't live without. ♥